32 Weeks (with the baby we didn't think we'd have!)

Today marks week 32 of this pregnancy! My sister came over a couple weeks ago and she helped me sort and hang up all the tiny baby clothes in the closet. Sometimes, I just stop by to take a peek! On the list of things to do in the near future is to take down Belle's old bed and put up the crib. After that, there won't be too many more things to do around the house until baby girl arrives!

Hello baby clothes!

Nothing much has changed in the past few weeks. I feel huge, baby girl has gotten a head start for practicing for the 2032 olympics gymnastics team, and my belly button has become an outie for the first time ever. Instead of the normal pregnancy update form I typically use, I thought I'd go back to the beginning and share the journey and the surprise of finding out we were having another baby!

It's been no secret around here that I had bad case of baby fever practically ever since Belle was born! In February 2013, we stopped taking birth control. I was finishing up my internship and grad school and I just knew that a baby would have been the perfect graduation present!

Only, it never happened. It wasn't only that we weren't getting pregnant, but my cycle wasn't regular and things were just off. We waited several months for my body to readjust to it's own cycle, but nothing changed. Finally, when the initial blood work and other preliminary tests (like an ultrasound of my ovaries) didn't supply any answers, the doctor eventually ordered a 3 hour glucose test. The results-- My glucose levels were fine (yay! no diabetes.) However, the doctor called and told me I was insulin resistant.

The results were shocking. I obviously didn't like the news, but it didn't take long for me to realize that my biggest health concern wasn't the struggle to get pregnant. It didn't take long for something to shift in my mindset and my health became the priority. I mean, when the doctor prescribed the medicine to regulate my insulin, I wasn't taking it so that my body would become fertile again. I took the medicine because I was dead set on doing everything possible to not end up diabetic! Fortunately, we had already made our big change into our whole food diet and so we were already on the right path.

That's not to say it wasn't a devastating blow to my plans to have another baby. The doctor was decently confident the medicine would lead me to getting pregnant eventually, but I was never quite so sure. And honestly, eventually wasn't really what I was hoping for at all. My doctor mentioned the use of fertility drugs with ease even giving us the option to start one right away or to wait and see if the regulating my insulin would work things out on it's own. Fertility drugs just weren't really an option for us. Not when my body wasn't working properly already and I wasn't up for the side effects or the disappointment if things didn't work out.

The time when we could have had a newborn in our arms (if we had conceived right away) came and passed by with major disappointment. And not to mention, the pregnancy announcement from three friends in a single week. When for the first time ever in my life, I was bitter about the news of a sweet new baby, I knew it was time to reach out for support.

It's harder than it sounds and I wasn't sure where to turn. I mean, I wasn't technically infertile... or was I? Plus, I have two kids already-- I shouldn't be sad, I just need to be thankful for the kids I have, right? And I have certainly never experienced the loss of a pregnancy, so is it even fair to be so sad? Would it be too hard on a fellow infertile friend to ever hear that we eventually did become pregnancy? It was really hard to know where it was okay for me to turn for help.

Well, (unfortunately), I knew just the friend to reach out to.... one who I knew would be loving and understanding and more importantly, she's firmly grounded in God's word, which is exactly what I needed. I messaged her to let her know that I had joined the club no one wants to be in, that it's a crappy place to be, and that I have become grumpy and bitter about the news of new pregnancies. As expected, she was so sympathetic and encouraging. Honestly, it felt really good to have someone simply know. But she didn't stop at letting me have a pity party for myself-- she said this:

Amy, all I can say is that through all of this you will, one way or another, come to accept God's providence and plan. And I hope you will recognize in a deeper way what a miracle each child that any women in THE WHOLE WORLD is carrying in her own womb.

Seriously, what a great friend. I took this to heart. And I immediately began praying these things in my life!  And even looking back on it now, it is STILL my prayer for my life!

You obviously know where this story ends up, but there's more in between. I'll be back, hopefully next week, with part 2!