Baby Fever

Seriously guys… this is the cuteness that surrounds me in my life these days:

 

These cuties are only a few that have been born this month in my social circles. Up top is my nephew Eli, then sweet Yooli was born last week, and Tenley {Chacey’s little sister} was born yesterday. I briefly met baby Luke when he was just a couple days old and my timing was off when I stopped by to see Roman last week and he was nursing. :( And then… some college friends are providing foster care for a newborn that they picked up from the hospital two-ish weeks ago.

Babies, babies, babies!!!

So, no doubt. This girl has baby fever! If you know me in real life, you’ve probably already figured that one out!! Unfortunately, my hubby doesn’t have the fever. And I’m not particularly itching to have another baby right-right now… but just sometime. Of course, this will be decided mutually with regards to jobs, grad school, etc. Here are a few of my reasons {my hubby says they aren’t real reasons} that we should have another:

1. I really like my OB and I miss going to her frequently.
2. Weight gain is encouraged!
3. But in all actuality, I don’t really gain much weight. With Belle I left the hospital smaller than when I got pregnant with her—despite eating whatever my pregnant heart desired.
4. Pregnant women aren’t judged for wearing yoga pants daily.
5. I have unused awesome baby names—specifically boy ones.
6. We would be doing this world a disservice by not blessing society with our really, really cute offspring! :)
7. And lastly, I just look really good and happy holding these little snuggle-bunnies, don’t you think??

And look at these guys—looks like they might be on board too!  

I’m completely aware that these are totally silly reasons to have another baby. But Derek’s number one reason for not having another is this, “we’d have to switch to one-on-one defense to zone defense!”… And as you can tell, we haven’t discussed this too much in serious, so it’s still up in the air whether we’ll have more or not! I absolutely love my family just the way it is, but I can’t deny that I have that newborn itch!

Moms of three {or more}… what do you say? How do you deal with the zone defense?!?

Let's Be Honest

Today I went to my MOPS Bible Study group. Of course they ooh-ed and ahh-ed all over Belle. I mean, look at this face... how could you not?

The compliments also kept coming in about how I even have energy to come to a meeting already, that I managed to get two kids out the door and to church, that I am doing so well handling the new baby without my husband around. I, of course, accepted each compliment with a smile and a thank-you. I mean, it was really encouraging!

But really, I wanted to say... Oh, if you only knew the mess I've been!!

I had an awful panic attack the night we came home from the hospital. I had several nights that I had to take a benedryl just to fall asleep and I could hardly eat. I cried practically non-stop the day Derek left and continued to cry every single day that week, including an episode of sobbing while cuddled on my Mom's lap. Each day continues to be a battle in keeping my head up and each day it gets a little bit easier and easier.

I have found myself self-treating myself as if I were a patient using techniques from my classes and I do have some meds that I know are contributing to my mental health. However, I am fully convinced that my strength has come from the Lord. I know that there are so many people praying for me. I have received comments, facebook messages, emails, and text messages that have really lifted me up. I have found myself in almost constant prayer throughout the day-- sometimes practically begging the Lord to hold me up from falling into the dark places. I have read Philippians 4 about bazillion times:

The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I chuckled to myself as the speaker at our MOPS meeting today spoke about this scripture. She talked about the times that we should have every reason to be anxious about a situation, but yet we find ourselves at peace- that is having a peace that passes understanding. I wanted to stand up and say, "that's what I have!" I have a peace that passes all human understanding. I know that God is in control of our situation. He has proven to me over and over that he will provide and take care of us. I really am okay!

I am enjoying Belle and this stage of mommyhood much more than I had the chance to enjoy Jackson as I dealt with some postpartum anxiety for several weeks. I have my glass-is-half-full perspective back and I am truthfully happy and doing well.

So, for all of those people who have been praying for me-- please know that your prayers are being answered. I am being well taken care of by friends and family as I anxiously await Derek's return. God is definitely good.

Introducing Isabelle Marie

On Friday, February 18th our beautiful daughter Isabelle ("Belle") Marie was born. She arrived at 11:56 am at a healthy 6 pounds-11 ounces, 18 inches long, and a head full of hair! 

The Birth Story:
It was no secret that we had a pretty specific plan for how she was suppose to arrive in this world. She clearly has a mind of her own and decided to arrive ahead of schedule, but only by a few hours. I wasn't even induced, she came on her own! Everything worked out just fine and it was still a very joyful weekend!

Thursday night: 

6:00pm- Dinner at Texas Roadhouse with parents

8:00pm- Check into hospital 

9:00pm- Only dilated to 2cm, so they began the Cervidil, which isn't necessarily an induction medicine, but more so a medicine that allows your body to better absorb the induction drugs that will start the next morning.

Friday Morning

6:00am- get up and take a shower. Ate contraband banana (and everything turned out just fine!)

7:30am- dilated only 2cm, doctor breaks water, contractions start right away, holding off on induction medicine for time being. Text to Derek: It's just so weird with you not here. Like it's just not supposed to be this way. He replies: I'm on my way, baby. Just hang in there!

8:30am- Derek boards first plane. Epidural arrives not much later. 

9:00am- Already to dilated 5cm... Woah, slow down!! I haven't even started my induction meds! I decided to do my hair, mom painted my nails... total denial people. I was still hoping she'd make it to 3:30pm.

10:00am- Derek arrives in Atlanta and texts: You are making fast progress. Hope I make it. I reply: You'll make it.

10:30am- dilated 8cm. Noooo!! Nurse tells me to tell her if I start feeling pressure. Mom calls Dad to tell him to get to hospital NOW. Start giving last minute tutorials to Mom and Linda on how to use the cameras.

11:00am-dilated 9 cm, no that's definitely a 9.5cm. And that is definitely pressure I feel. Quick call to Dad: "WHERE ARE YOU!?...You're still 25 minutes away!?...Nurse, do I have 25 minutes?!" She replies that if I can hold it in, I can make it. I literally had to cross my legs and attempt to hold her back for just a little bit longer. If I wasn't going to have my husband, my dad just had to be there!

11:15am- call Derek. She's coming... NOW. Shed a few tears because I was so disappointed. Even though he wasn't there in person, I was talking to him on speaker phone for as long as possible. He was soooo encouraging. 

11:45am- Dad arrives as my hand holder. Nurse attempts a last dilation check, but can't because the baby's head is so low. Derek had to get off the phone so he could board the plane.

11:56am- Baby Isabelle arrives! Dad cuts the cord. Seriously, less than 10 minutes from the picture above and the picture below. Amazing.

12:00pm- Call Derek, goes straight to voicemail. Dang it. He's already on the plane. Leave a quick voicemail. Oh wait-- he's calling me back! I get to deliver the news of our baby girl to him while he is sitting on the tarmac. 

2:40pm- get text from Derek that he's landed in KC.

3:15pm- Derek arrives and gets to meet his baby girl. He just gazed at her for several minutes, just soaking in all the beauty.

It was so good to finally get to experience our baby girl together!

We had chosen a name several months ago, but we decided to keep it to ourselves until after she was born. As soon as it was announced that she was born, the requests for her name reveal was immediate and plentiful. I don't regret keeping that quiet until Derek arrived. It just wasn't right for me to introduce her to the world via facebook pictures and text messages before Daddy even got a chance to meet her himself.

And just an observation: when you keep the name to yourself, more people respond to the news of baby with, "what's her name?!" than, "How's the baby, how's mommy?" and in this case, people didn't even acknowledge the disappointment that it was to have her come before Derek even came home- instead, just texts, phone calls, and facebook messages to me, Derek, and other family regarding her name.

Jackson is adjusting well to his role as big brother. He loves to look at her, give her kisses, and the occasional high five.

Derek stayed until Monday morning. It was pure devastation to tell him bye and watch him walk out the front door. I literally emptied an entire Kleenex box of tissues that day. I'm doing better, but I really miss him so much. I've been so strong the entire separation, but I don't have much strength to hold myself together when I think or talk about him anymore. I gathered some laundry today and broke down into tears as I was putting his t-shirts and jeans into wash. Thank goodness he is coming home next month.

Belle is struggling with her bilirubin levels, but is otherwise perfectly healthy. She's struggling with nursing, but improving a little bit each day. In the mean time, I'm pumping and supplementing with bottles to keep her eating and gaining weight. I really did forget how much newborns really sleep. I feel like she's hardly any work right now!