Back to School

I went to my first class of the semester tonight. Remember just a few months ago when I wrote a super heartfelt post about totally embracing being “just a mom”!? Well, at some point in the mere weeks after that post, I was overcome by the finishing-grad-school itch. This January marks the fourth year of classes… obviously not full time. But classes here and there. A break after each kid was born, a summer off when we bought and remodeled our home.

 

Also in attendance was my faithful purple backpack that was purchased for my freshman year at undergrad. Oh my goodness, she’ll turn 10 years old this year! That totally just dawned on me! I love this backpack. It has spongy straps that make carrying books less annoying plus, it’s decorated with a keychain a friend got for me in high school.

 

 

 

I am 27 hours into the 60 hours required to graduate with my Master’s in Counseling Psychology. It’s this giant task at which I haven’t finished, and until I finish, I feel like I’m a failure. I just want to get it over with. {That sounds as if I don’t enjoy school, and I mean, I don’t love all the work, but I do actually enjoy it. I just don’t like it hanging over my head: You still have XX hours left. You still have to apply for candidacy. You still need to find an internship.}

So, I enrolled in classes. Three of them. We took a round-about process that will better suit our family schedule and our finances, which is awesome. But regardless, that is still nine hours of grad school in one semester. The most I’ve done was six and that was a very hard time! But I can do this {or so my husband keeps telling me!}.

We’ve gotten pretty organized in the process of planning for the semester. Failing to plan is planning to fail, right? I will be staying with my parents on Monday evenings and Mom will have the kids when I’m at class all day on Tuesdays {classes eight hours in one day!? Not sure I can survive this}. They live much closer to my Tuesday school. I have another class on Wednesday evenings. It’s a hybrid class, so we only meet for an hour and a half, but that also means I have to find additional hours of time in the week to watch the lectures and take notes.

Which, is why we have decided to employ a super sweet gal to come watch the kids one or two afternoons a week. This allows a dedicated time for school work and so I’m not trying to squeeze it all in after bedtime. We’ve been meal planning according to schedule and I have several frozen meals in place. Meals picked out for when I’m in class on Tuesdays and for when I’m gone in the afternoons doing school work. I still have my mornings open for MOPS, play dates, library time, and housework. Our babysitting agreement also includes one night a month to plan for a date night. I swear, if it’s not scheduled, it’s just not happening!

Good grief. I’m stressed out just writing that all down. Actually, I was stressed before that. I had my first class tonight and it was the first time it dawned on me that this is going to be a lot of hard work. Starting a little stressed has snowballed into all out ridiculousness.

I’m stressed about:

• school work/tests/papers in general
• diagnosing mental disorders—it’s is my least favorite thing to do in grad school and I have a whole class attributed to just that. Ugh.
• being the very first presenter in my diagnosis class!? Stupid last initial. Not that my maiden one was any better.
• am I even smart enough for this!?

I feel guilty about:

• not having a job to earn money
• costing money to pay for school
• costing more money for childcare
• not being there to provide the childcare for my kids
• not having super lavish birthday parties for my kids like I see on some blogs because we spend money for me to go to school instead of renting out Gymboree, hiring a decorator, and having Dora show up.

Okay seriously, those are all things floating in my head. And honestly, I am super worried about gaining a bazillion pounds. I eat when I’m stressed {a habit I am diligently trying to change}! We have been working hard at adopting a healthier lifestyle-think trips to the gym, healthier foods—and it’s really hard to commit to change in the midst of chaos.

I feel a little ridiculous getting that all out, but I needed to have it in writing. At this point, I have to trust the Lord to guide me through it all. I need to know where I started so when I come out alive on the other end, I can look back and see how the Lord brought us through.

And because I refuse to let my overwhelming thoughts get the best of me, so I made sure to make a list of blessings to give me perspective!

Blessings

• successful permission to enroll at cheaper school
• having a schedule that allows for sufficient family time
• people I love and trust to provide childcare
• great supportive husband {and family}
• opportunity to study something I’m passionate about!

Whew! This was a long post. Belle turned 11 months today! I will post with her pictures and updates tomorrow!

Crazy

As a graduate student of psychology, I am fairly familiar with the DSM IV-TR (the manual at which one uses to diagnose mental disorders). And I am quite confident that I have gone above and beyond meeting all criteria to be diagnosed as just plain crazy.

My classes started this week. I have a short one on Monday afternoons, and then a full class on Tuesday evenings. Seriously, to think I voluntarily registered for classes knowing my husband was going to be gone, having kids full time all day, a teenager with a super busy school and sports schedule, not to mention the baby I'm incubating... see, I told you I was crazy!!

I have a feeling that this past week has been a glimpse of what my life will be like for the next several months-- insanely busy. The good news is that we all survived!!

I am so far behind on blogging and most other things, as well! (I had the season finale of NCIS from Netflix sit around for three days before I even got around to watching it- and if that doesn't indicate I'm way behind, I don't know what does.) The times that I haven't been running around like a mad women, I have willfully determined to get some rest. I have got to take advantage of it when I can because I never know when that luxury will escape me.

I have taken tons of pictures and I've got lots of updates to share and I promise I'll get to it soon!! We've encountered food allergies, volleyball tournaments, updates from Derek, four-wheeling, and have started planning a special Sweet 16 birthday party! Lots of fun stuff! Stay tuned!

Biological Basis of Behavior.... Blah! ... Not so Blah.

Class is finally over. I took my final last Monday and I was pretty excited when I didn't have class this Monday! I have to say that Dr. Pasqualini did a great job of teaching this course. I went into the class caring nothing about Bio-Psych and every week she made it interesting and made real world applications about why it matters that we study Bio-Psych at all. I learned a lot and I even enjoyed learning it. Unfortunately, I bombed my final. I was so embarrassed to turn it in leaving some of the essays blank! I did pretty well on all of the other assignments so its doubtful that I did so bad as to bring me below a B in the course.

I'll share some of the interesting topics/stories we discussed.

The book Picking Cotton (a New York Times Bestseller) is about the true story of a girl named Jennifer who was raped and picked Ronald Cotton from a line-up as the her agressor. Based on her witness alone, he spends 7 years in prison before finally being released after DNA proved that he was not the man who had raped her. Both Jennifer and Cotton are now friends that tour together to speak at conferences about how memory works in the human mind and are advocates for research about working memory.

Jean Dominique-Bauby is a man who suffered a stroke and was left completely paralized except for the ability to wink with his left eye (with help, obviously). This man went on to write a book, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly,that was made into a movie that won a Golden Globe and four Oscar Nominations. Due to the brain monitoring, the doctors were able to confirm that he was still alive and not a "vegatable", which allowed him to communicate with his friends and family.

As an assignment, we were to find a popular press article and do a critique after reading the real research to determine if the author was objective and accurate. I found an article from the Washington Post about how childhood poverty affects the working memory of the children once they become adults. It's more than just that they have less opportunities to learn or have unavailable parents because they work two jobs, but due to the changes made by chronic stress in the brain, the children who grew up poor tested lower as adults in their working memory as those who grew up in middle class. The author deemed this important due to more families crossing into the poverty level with our current economy.

We talked about a man named HM who lost his ability to make new memories after a surgery to remove his amygdala in 1953. He could tell you directions to the house he lived in at the time of the surgery, but could not name the street at which he had currently lived for 10 years. He just recently passed away. Another man, Clive, once an accomplished musician, "wakes" up every moment to claim that now, for the first time ever, he is conscious and writes it in a journal. Moments later, he scratches out his previous writing and writes it again, only this is really the first time that he has been conscious and says that when he wrote it before, he must really have been uncounscoius. Clive lives one hundred percent in the moment and is completely unaware of his past yet he can still conduct music beautifully.

We studied about how the brain process pain and watched a documentary about a woman who fell off a cliff, shattering her leg, yet she managed to climb to help for two days never feeling pain. We watched a video about children who get an entire half of their brain removed and that they survive normally with the ability of language and thinking skills just like the rest of us. And we watched a video about people who feel pain in a limb that has been removed (referred to as a phantom limb) and why/how the brain can process the pain in a limb that is not there.

My intention was not to bore you, but to share just some of the modern day examples about why brain research and study is so relevant. Again, for me to be interested at all to even blog about this, is just a testament to the professor who worked hard at making the class enjoyable for a bunch of counseling psychology students with minimal interest in bio-psych at all.

Jackson, Biology, Oscars, California

Our little fella turned four months this weekend! I just can't believe how much he has changed in just the past few weeks. He is playing (bonking his head) with toys, talking up a storm, and bouncing like crazy in his Jumparoo. He started sleeping through the night, from about 10pm-8am, about three weeks ago. I sent out an update email to some family last week bragging on this new feat and since that night, Jackson has been waking up three or four times a night. Derek says I jinxed it. Per the doctors suggestion, we started feeding Jackson cereal this week. The kid loves it! This increases the amount of laundry and the number of baths that Jackson takes!



I took Jackson to get his 4 month pictures taken last week. The little stinker will smile and giggle up a storm until you get a camera in front of his face. He would rather stare at the big black thing to figure out what it is! We did end up with a super cute picture. Isn't this kid just adorable!?!?!
More Pictures

I am almost half way through my class this semester. This is a tough one for me. I love Psychology, but more on the social and personal side as opposed to the biological stuff, which is what I am taking. When I read the textbooks for my other classes (Developmental Psych, Mental Disorders, Career Counseling, etc...) I read through it once and it all makes sense. Reading this Biological Bases of Behavior book... blah! I can read and read about dendrites, axons, basal ganglia... and I still don't really get it. Lying in bed at night I go over the flowchart of the Central Nervous System hoping it will stick with me one of these days!!!

I can't believe we got so much snow on Friday night... and it really caught me off guard! I try really hard not to watch the news (it is overall depressing and often keeps me awake at night) and so I never know what the weather is going to be like. I'll leave the house in just a t-shirt because it is 70 degrees and by the time I am on my way home, I'm freezing because it is sleeting outside! I am just so ready for spring to be here.

Last week, we had some friends over for an Oscar Party. We filled out ballots marking who we thought would win. I have won for the past three years, but lost this one. I still did pretty good. I am hoping to get out and see Slumdog Millionaire sometime. I don't really know what to expect... the past couple of years we watched the Oscar winning movies and weren't all to impressed. I do have to say that I was very entertained watching Hugh Jackman dance and sing. I think he put on a great show!!

We will be taking our first family vacation to California in a couple weeks. I am so excited-- I've never been to northern California. I went to visit a friend in San Diego over Thankgiving Break a few years back. This time we are flying in to Sacramento to visit Derek's grandpa before he moves back here! We have plans to visit San Francisco and to check out some of the giant Sequoia trees out there. I am a little anxious traveling with Jackson, like I don't quite know what I'm getting myself into. Feel free to share any advice!

25 Things

I did this little thing on Facebook, so I decided to copy and paste to my blog-- 25 Random facts about me. This took quite a bit longer than I first thought, but then I found that I could keep going, but I do realize that most people probably don't even care to read the 25 let alone more! They really don't follow any certain order- I just wrote them as they came to me.

1. I can't believe how popular this note thing is! I think I've been tagged five times this week, but I love reading what people have to say!

2. I am happily married to my college sweetheart, Derek. It will be three years in June. We have a 3 month old son, who is named after Jack Bauer. We love him so much.

3. I have an older brother (26, who just got accepted in the MBA program at Georgetown) and two younger sisters (17, a singer/performer and 16, a talented gymnast).

4. I am getting my Master's in Counseling Psychology with a certificate in Child and Adolescent Psychology. At graduation, I will be able to apply to be a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) though I would like to get my certification as a Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) eventually.

5. Derek and I will be debt free by the time we are thirty.

6. I lived in 5 states (7 cities) by the time I was in eighth grade. My dad wasn't in the military- my parents are just nomadic.

7. I was a band nerd in high school and loved it. I played the flute, but switched to the saxophone my senior year. I played the bells in the drum corp. as well. I did play volleyball, ran track, and was a cheerleader too.

8. I decided to go to Missouri State (SMSU at the time) because of their marching band. It was WAY to much work, not enough credit hours, not enough scholarship so I didn't do it after my freshman year.

9. I was in a wheelchair for a few months in high school because I was in a car accident and broke my pelvis. A year after the accident, I witnessed a car accident in the same intersection, which was so upsetting because I don't remember mine and there was blood everywhere.

10. I graduated 6th of 69 in my class in high school with 29 college credit hours.

11. I graduated college in 3 1/2 years and never took a summer class.

12. I went somewhere new every summer in college-- China (2003), Myrtle Beach (2004), Kanakuk Kamps (2004), Colorado Springs (2005).

13. Attending the Focus on the Family Institute was the most life changing experience I've had.

14. I gained 22 pounds when I was pregnant and have lost 25 since having Jackson. I'm smaller now than I have been since my freshman year of college.

15. I worked for my dad's company for two years before I moved to Raymore this summer. I miss working with him now.

16. In college, I worked at Lambert's Cafe in Branson (Ozark). I was the Okra/Fried Potato girl. No, I did not throw rolls-- boys do that.

17. I am very bummed that I never got to attend the Price is Right while Bob Barker was still the host. Someday I will still make it to the show.

17. I am so very excited about having tickets to go see Britney Spears in April with my sisters. I have always and will always be a Britney fan.

18. It is my goal to visit every continent. So far, I've got Europe, China, and of course North America (I don't count traveling in US, but I've been to Mexico and the Canadian part of Niagra Falls)

19. I had an opportunity to go to Africa when I was in high school, but my best friend and I wanted to go to Windermere instead because of the "Buffalo Boys."

20. I will make a tape to submit to be on Survivor. I actually looked into it this year before the deadline ended, but I wasn't ready to spend a month away from Jackson this August had they actually (yeah right) picked me. Derek doesn't think I'll be good at it, so I especially want to go to spite him!

21. I have started a fire from rubbing two sticks together and it was so incredibly hard.

22. I love to read. I love the Princess Diaries series and I read the Twilight series before the movie hype. My favorite is the Size 12 is Not Fat series. I have tried to read Pride and Prejudice three times but just cannot make it through.

23. I like Coke better than Pepsi, Chocolate better than Vanilla, and do not like tea or coffee.

24. I love being a stay-at-home mom. I have always wanted to stay home because my mom was always home for us. I am very grateful that we are fortunate enough to make it work.

25. I genuinely love my life.