The SAHM adjustment

In a combination of finishing grad school and Derek being gone, I'm finding myself in a new funk as a readjust to stay-at-home-mom life. It's not bad, just different. For the past eight months, my life has been go-go-go that I'm not quite sure what to do with myself now that I have so much time. I have played, cleaned, and organized (and blogged!!!) more in the past few days than I have in the past several weeks put together. Oh, and I've gone to town on some creative projects (which make more messes and then I do more cleaning!).  

Today was a cool, rainy day. No complaints... we really needed the rain, but I was almost lost as to what I was going to do for a full day alone with my kids when outdoor activities were out of question. It's quite ridiculous, really. As I was feeling overwhelmed by trying to figure out what our entire day would look like, I decided it'd be best to just take it one step at a time. Turns out that it was a good approach and we had a fun day. 

The rain didn't stop my kids from wanting to play outside, so we spent an hour playing football in the rain. Jackson got really good at catching the big football! 

We came inside and Jackson asked to watch The Price Is Right (I boasted with pride at his request. I've been watching TPIR since I was his age!!). After the show was over, Jackson then wanted to play The Price Is Right, so I was Drew Carey and I said, "come on down!!!" Then, he'd jump up and down while screaming woo-hoo. I'd make up a money game and he'd guess "68" every time, which was always the perfect number to win a prize... and more jumping, clapping, and woo-hooing followed. The moment was far too fun to stop and try to capture it. These moments, I remember, are what make staying at home so great. 

I remembered half way through nap time that the local bowling alley has Buck nights on Mondays. I called up and invited my in-laws and we met up in the late afternoon. Jackson was beyond thrilled. He's been asking to go for awhile. I was thrilled because it was $8 for two games each plus shoe rental!

Belle was excited to participate for about 6-7 frames. At that point, she began crawling on the floor and "resting" on the shelves. 

I started out with two strikes back to back in the second and third frame in the first game. It went consistenly downhill after that. Especially in the second game. Jackson regularly beats me at Wii bowling and I have a strong stance of not losing to make my kids feel better. As embarrassing as it is to admit, Jackson did beat me (he did have bumpers and I didn't, FYI). Forrest only won by one point. No one is going to be calling us to join their bowling league anytime soon!!!

We finished out the evening with a movie, picnic dinner, and reading books. I'd say it was successful day as a SAHM! I'm off to cuddle with my little man. He shares a bed with me when Derek's gone. Belle isn't invited yet because cuddling with her is like trying to snuggle with a windmill. :) 

Julie and I are headed to Chicago overnight tomorrow. It's going to be a whirlwind trip, but I think it's going to be so much fun. And when we get back on Friday, Derek will be home!! Woo hoo!!! 

 

Hanging up the SAHM hat

Christmas was fantastic. Everything I could have dreamt it to be and more. Like I said on Twitter yesterday, Nothing is sweeter than experiencing the joy of Christmas with young children! I'll try to get around to posting some pictures soon! :)

This Christmas has been particularly chaotic for me. Not so much in having actual things to do and cram into the schedule, but my mind has just been cluttered-- which has then left me cramming things in at the last minute because I completely forgot a lot of things! Lots of joy and happiness have been filling my heart and mind in the past few days and weeks, but also anxiety and stress.

Next Wednesday I will trade in my Stay At Home Mom hat for a new Working Mom hat. 

Granted, it's a working-for-free hat as it's my internship for grad school. {And in fact, I am actually PAYING to for the college credits and PAYING for childcare.} But nonetheless, it's happening. My kids will be going to full-time childcare while I will be interning and going to class.

I never expected myself to be here, really. I wrote last year about being "just" a mom and I found total contentment {and complete joy} in doing just that. This new season is right around the corner; I'm excited. I keep reminding myself of that. But it is SO hard to know I will not be around with/for my kids full time. Tears well up even just typing it!

I've been putting off this paper work because I just want to write out every little thing about how to care for my kids-- please make sure the kids eat their veggies for lunch first. Jackson likes to snuggle after his nap. Belle would be happy to sit on your lap all day to read books-- as if I feel like I won't ever be able to snuggle or read to my kids again. It's completely ridiculous how irrational this whole ordeal has made me!

There is a ton of positive aspects to this new change-- I'll be GRADUATING in July. I will be getting to MAKE A DIFFERENCE as a therapist at a homeless and substance abuse center in our city. My kids will get to play with several other kids and have awesome structure in a way that I am plain terrible at providing. Oh, and I couldn't be happier with the kids' teacher, Ms Beth! As soon as I decided to take on this full time endeavor, she was my first contact to see if she had any openings and I am thankful beyond belief that she did!

All that being said, I am still in fact, very sad about leaving the kids. The reality didn't even set in until last week when I went to finalize the details for childcare. Up until that point, this whole plan was just something "in the future"... only now it's, like next week.

I know in my head that everything will be fine, just as everyone keeps telling me. But I am still incredibly anxious and sad. Mostly, I'm anxious about how the kids will adjust {especially that Jackson has cried on more than one occasion specifically saying that he just wants to stay home and doesn't want to go to school.} But, I know they'll have a ton of fun. Plus, I really think the structure will be great for him.

I'm sad just because I really do LOVE being at home with my kids-- even on crazy days. I love going to the park, story time, playdates with friends. I love the flexibility to play in the snow or swim in the pool; to visit Daddy at work and lunch with Great Grandpa. Truthfully, I find great fulfillment in staying home with my kids. Staying at home wasn't every Option B, but rather something I have always planned and wanted to do. So, my sadness is really just a sorrow for what will be missed {mostly on my part because my kids probably won't care}.

In short,

• Good news: I'll be GRADUATING in July. NO MORE SCHOOL!
• Good news: I will finally be doing what I've been studying to do for five years now.
• Bad news: The kids will be going to full time childcare instead of staying home with me.
• Good news: I couldn't be happier with our childcare provider.
• Good news: This is only a seven month plan here. I will be at home with my kids again. 
• Bad news: I'm an emotional mess. 
• Good news: Once the new schedule begins, the anxiety of the unknown will fade and we can work on finding a new normal.
• Good news: I've been getting a lot of my "want to get done" list because for some reason, I feel like I will never have time to do anything ever again.
• Bad news: That's still six days away... six more emotional days coming up
• Good news: My husband is AWESOME. He's been a total support from start to finish with my school and he's been a champ with dealing with all the crying {because normally, I rarely cry. But these days, just one thought about, "no summer reading programs this year" and I'm a mess.}
• Good news: I am surrounded by positive and encouraging family and friends from all over. Really, I hope y'all have as great of friends as I do. 
• Good news: My mother-in-law has told me that my house will stay cleaner because the kids won't have as much time to tear it apart! :)
• Good news: I have an entire new wardrobe because yoga pants and sweatshirts {acceptable mom attire} aren't acceptable in the "real world". 
• Good news: I am more concerned about the transition of not being a stay at home mom than I am about being a mental healthcare provider to homeless men with substance abuse addictions. I guess that means I'm ready!! 

Of course, the positives outweigh the negatives. It's a shame the emotions with negatives are just so prevalent! It's a conscious choice to focus on the good and I need to be doing that more.

I welcome any and all advice on being a working mom and/or ways to get the most out of time with the kids in the evenings! I also covet prayers for my kids as this will be a big transition for them, especially Jackson. I'd love prayers for the rest of this week-- for it to go smooth and for us to enjoy our time together!

Laugh so you don't cry

You know those times when you find yourself laughing, and then you realize that what you're laughing about really isn't all that funny... but yet, laughing is the best way to not cry about it?? Yeah, well, that was the kind of day I had.

Today actually started out great! I was productive-- Two week meal plan, check! Grocery list completed, check! Successful trip to grocery store with three kids, check! Groceries put away, lunch served, dinner started, check! And this was all before noon!!

My children were a little bit on the difficult side today. I absolutely love them, but today was rough. Belle whined at my feet 80% of the time she was awake and Jackson's behavior led to his blankets to be taken away by 4pm. We painted special pictures after a non-existent nap time and Jackson was being so uncooperative. I decided to just stop everything and sit with him because I simply could not figure out why he was so difficult today. And then he promptly threw up on my lap.

Yeah, that can be listed as the grossest thing that has every happened to me.

So then I really stopped everything to cuddle with the poor guy. Derek came home and I was waaaay behind on dinner. He took over entertaining kids while I worked on dinner. He then came up to me to ask about the new LinkedIn update for the app on his phone.

In which I replied:

I've never signed up for LinkedIn. I don't really have any 'professional contacts' these days and my current job skills include walking over whiney toddlers and getting vomit on my lap.

(for those family members of mine who aren't sure what LinkedIn actually is-- it's a social network for professional occupations. Read more here}

And then I laughed for the first time all day. It's so much more fun to laugh than to cry anyway. And my hubby had the sweetest reply, "Yeah, you should really get paid more {or even, at all} for what you do." I love what I do. Some days are just more awesome than others. {today I seriously considered moving to Canada to take advantage of their stay-at-home-mom paycheck}

But like I tell Jackson, tomorrow is a different day and we'll start over brand new. The week can only get better from here, right!?

Please tell me that you've had laughing-so-you-don't-cry-days too! I'd love to hear them!

Just a Mommy

I read a blog post a few weeks ago about never describing yourself as "just" anything. Like when people say, "I'm just a stay at home mom" as a way of admitting that it's a lazy job or something. But right now, I am totally embracing being "just a mommy".

This past year was just CRAZY! Foreign exchange student, attending grad school, "single" mom to a toddler, full time childcare provider-- all while being pregnant with an active duty husband. It totally didn't seem to crazy busy at the time. It was just life, but just thinking about it in hindsight wears me! I loved (still do) every aspect of that chaotic time and I wouldn't go back to change a single thing!! I love my grad school studies, Julie became a permanent part of our family, and can't imagine Belle becoming a part of our family at any other time.

Life right now is different. I am "just a mommy." And I love it that way. It's back-to-school time everywhere around me, but not for me. There are foreign exchange students who need homes. I've thought about finding a job to bring in extra money, but now just isn't the time. I will have the rest of my life to fill full with a jam-packed schedule, but this is the time for my family. This is the time for my kids.

I am enjoying days with my kids, evenings with my family. I am enjoying my efforts to become a better housewife. I have time in most of my days to just breathe. I have found a new hobby with crafty stuff and I am making all sorts of fun things for around the house! My kitchen is clean at the end of most night. Derek and I typically watch a show together and we have time to have conversations before bed. I have the time to become more involved in YoungLives and I am working hard on being intentional about finding opportunities to serve others. Instead of being strung out across so many different "hats" I am able to wear a select few a little more deeply.

And it feels good. 

It feels right. Just like last year felt right; I knew that is what God had in store for me during that season. But I am really enjoying this season too. I will eventually get around to finishing my grad school. I will eventually work outside the home. And I will eventually start saying "yes" to being involved in other activities and projects. But for now we're keeping our life simple, enjoying our little family for what it is right now. Life is good.

While my blog has been, and will continue to be predominantly my "scrapbook" for our family memories, I am eager to share new things in this space. I have DIY projects to share, recipes, and home organizing tips that have really helped me develop in my "just a mommy" stage of life!

Not Mom of the Year

I've come across this Not-Mom-of-The-Year contest and I looked like too much fun not to join in. It's not even the fact that it's a contest, it's just therapuetic to go out there are read other peoples stories that make me feel a little a lot better about myself as a mom and how "un-June Cleaver-ish" I am.

1. I have actually picked an Elmo movie to watch specifically because it was the longest video so that I could take a longer nap while he watched it-- there is a big difference between 46 and 54 minutes. 
2. I am too cheap to buy my son summer pj's (the winter ones are always passed down from friends) so he wears his clothes to bed every night.
3. I put Jackson down to nap with a cup sometimes-- but I do know that he doesn't fall asleep in his mouth because I hear him throw it out of his crib along with his books, toys, etc... before falling asleep. Wait- why I am I defending myself.... I already know I am a qualified Not-Mom-of-The-Year. 
4. I dropped Jackson big time when he was only a couple weeks old. I was carrying him in the bouncy seat and the seat caught on the door handle and so I dropped the seat and he slid right on to the floor... head first.
5. I call my son gross so often that it was actually one of his first words-- after meals, during diaper changes. I never noticed it until he started saying it each time.
6. We've lived in this house for nearly a year and I just finished getting his room together yesterday.
7. Our laundry is always behind--even if I wash it, it stays in the basket probably until I need the basket again to take more dirty clothes downstairs. The last time I mopped, was-- oh wait.. I haven't while I've lived in this house. The toilet-- haven't done that either. (in my defense, I did get a cleaning certificate for Christmas and they did do these each once...). 
8. And I'm always to forgetful to even call the cleaning ladies. I complain about not having a maid, but then it's because I am too lazy to just call. So the house is a remains a mess. 
9. Jackson doesn't bathe every day and he hardly ever gets to play in the bath. Most of the time, he just gets to hop in the shower with me or Derek for a quick lather and rinse before getting handed back out to the other one.
10. I let my child eat dirt.
11. I'm not even cool enough to have lots of cute pictures on this post or to make a nice ryhming poem for this thing-- it's totally boring. 

So, I totally think all my mom friends should try this-- It's like free therapy. Go ahead and share some comment-love with some of the things that qualify you as a Not-Mom-of-The-Year and be sure to read some of the other entries just so give your self-esteem a little boost!

Mourning the loss of a friend

Okay, so I'm being a bit dramatic. My friend is alive and well, but she's just not here. It's Wednesday. And she always comes over on Wednesday's for lunch (sometimes other days too!). Sure it's cool that she got selected to attend the Picturing Early America institute this summer and all up in Massachusetts , but what am I supposed to look forward to each week while she's gone?

I really am such a lucky stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) with the coolest friends. I mean, when I have several kiddos here during the day I don't always get out of the house. But instead of being bottled up and lonely-- I have friends that come to me!! How great is that? I mean, I get to have real conversations (I mean, conversations with 18 months-olds are fun and all...) with adults several times a week. And Derek probably doesn't even realize how valuable these friends are to him because without them, I'd just be waiting for him to walk in the door to bombard him with conversation about things he couldn't care less about!

Instead of sitting around lunch-dateless, I decided the next best thing would be to hang out with her offspring. Or maybe I wanted to go see a movie and it was more justified if I went with a 5-year-old. So this morning, Carter came over so that we could go to a Summer Kids movie. The movie of the week is Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs-- it as cute. Carter is a super cute kid and he says the funniest things. Today he told me not to be nervous that he sometimes calls his dad, Trey because it was totally okay!

On the way to the movie

And a stop at McD's for lunch

 Boys and their video games...

 

So, Brooke- we're making it by without you, but it's not nearly as fun. Hope you're having a good time, but hurry back!

Mi Madre

Mom sent me a card in the mail every week when I was in college- every. single. week. They'd be cute and funny cards and she'd write a quick note about the family. Sometimes they'd have confetti in them, sometimes a newspaper clipping, sometimes a few dollars.

In high school, when we needed a cheerleading coach, Mom stepped up.  She'd bake goodies for my entire grade on my birthday (even in middle school and high school). When I was in a wheelchair after a car accident, Mom carried me piggy back in and out of the house, up and down stairs-- I was 16. My senior year, she went to every single volleyball game.

Fast forward to October 2008. When everyone came into the room to get their first glimpse of Jackson, Mom walked right passed him to come check on me first. Then for the first six-ish  months of Jackson's life, Mom would come spend the night once a week so we could get a good night's rest.

Mom is my number one go-to person when I need advice on how to be a mom myself. She's the inspiration of why I want to be a stay-at-home-mom. I don't make homemade cookies from scratch and I can't cook meals like her either. If I ever have a little girl, I can't sew matching outfits for her and her dolls or french braid her hair like she did for me. I am sure I will find other ways to be special to my kids. Though, I can only hope to pour as much into my kids as she did for me.

Thanks for everything, Mom! Happy Mother's Day!

Sugar and Spice

... and everything nice- that's what girls are made of.

I love my rough and tough little boy, but I pray that I will get just one (and only one) sweet little girl in future offspring! God, are you listening?? This cutie patootie is cuddling with me as I type. Don't be jealous because this is what I do for a job.

It is quite possible that I hope for a little girl for all the wrong reasons- more or less a real-life dress-doll. Little girl stuff is just way too cute.  Did you catch the sparkly jeans?? Do you see these shoes?

I have to admit that I appreciate the days when her daddy gets her ready so I get to do her hair (that's just not a dad thing, ya know). Furthermore, I must admit that I do pigtails when I get the chance despite knowing that her daddy thinks they are kinda goofy, but little girls are made for pigtails. Check out this diva outfit!

And just so Jackson won't be jealous- I'll be sure to include a picture of the handsome little man:

And here is a short video clip of David from when he spent the night last week. Derek has been practicing his push-ups for his upcoming drill this weekend. David noticed and decided to join in. Derek told him to get on his hands and toes and then I instructed him to then touch his nose on the ground. He goes from his toes, to his knees, bends down to touch his nose, then back to his toes... it was too cute to see him follow Derek's every move.

Shower in the Kitchen

I've been asked, "Doesn't it get boring being a stay-at-home-mom?" It is evident that these people have never met Jackson. My life is never boring. Every day is surprise- never knowing what on earth Jackson has in store for me!

Yesterday, I was cooking in the kitchen. I had already baked some banana bread and was starting on dinner. Jackson was playing so contently with the tupperware containers, cookie cutters, and climbing in drawers. (Notice my shoes in the cabinet.)

 So, as I am cooking I can hear Jackson in the kitchen and assume that he is still playing responsibly. What was I thinking!?!? I glance in his direction to find him taking a shower with water from the refrigerator door. He wasn't just damp- he was SOAKED, literally dripping on the floor. A kitchen towel wouldn't suffice, I had to go get a bath towel to clean up the lake that was in the middle of my floor.

Look at that face. What'd I do? Fortunately, we purchased a refrigerator model with a lock feature for the ice and water dispenser. We will undoubtedly be using it from now on.

A day in the life of...

... a 16 month old endless ball of energy, a.k.a. Jackson. 

Sometimes I wonder why I can't get more done each day since I stay at home. After documenting my day with photos and looking back, I am reminded that I am constantly busy trying to keep up with my son! I did not stage, nor prompt any of these photos.

First, he "helps" with laundry by emptying his hamper

 

 Obviously, he wanted something from the bottom of the hamper

 

Why ask for help when you can just do it yourself?

Clapping for the contestants on The Price is Right

Dancing too!

In order to get my keys, he had to climb a chair to get my 

purse off the table. Then, he felt the need to lock the door.

 He'll sit still for a cup of juice!

Isn't he super cute?!?!

He found Derek's hat and put it on himself and wore it around the house. His expression is priceless! 

Checking out the squirrels outside.

Ugh! These blinds are in my way!

This is his way of asking me to raise the blinds.

A favorite spot to play- the toy chest

And then he empties it out.

 A snack on the way to the park

The swings are his favorite.

The slide is a close second. 

When we were up at the top of the slide, I practically had to dive to catch him as he started to go head first down this slide. This kid has no fear.

Back home: Unbuckle me already!!!

Finally, the sleeping position- tush in the air, one arm around blanket, the other tucked under his belly. Unfortunately, he didn't fall asleep. He fussed for awhile. But fell asleep while drinking a cup of milk while I rocked him.

And this is only nap time. We still had an entire evening ahead! I actually look forward to my evenings when I have class sometimes because I know I will be able to enjoy sitting still for a bit! Even after following this kid around today (and taking care of two others) I was still able to do three loads of laundry (with the joy of folding clothes twice. Thanks Jackson!), emptied and loaded the dishwasher, made a quiche for tomorrow's playdate, picked up Jackson's room, and managed to get a little bit of studying done for my midterm.

No wonder I am exhausted. But it truly is the best type of exhaustion ever. The pictures don't show the hugs, kisses, and cuddles that he gives me. Or his belly laugh about things that aren't really that funny. I love being a mommy!

Young Love

In January, I started watching another little girl, Chacey, full time. Cute as a button. 2 months younger than Jackson. Half his size. She is a funny kid and plays well with Jackson. Expect the past week and a half, Jackson and Chacey annoyed each other to no end. Neither wanted to be around, share a lap, or even looked at by the other. They were both recovering from being sick and I was about ready to pull my hair out.

Until today... and then the affections wouldn't stop coming! It started when Jackson decided to give Chacey a hug (though it came across more of tackle) nnd it was the longest hug ever. Then, I had to explain to Jackson that it isn't polite to go around and looking up Chacey's shirt- even if he is only looking for her belly button. Later in the afternoon, when they were both on my lap, they decided to hold hands. Seriously. I am not making this up. But nothing surprised me more than when Jackson was laying on the floor, Chacey leaned over and gave Jackson a big, very slobbery kiss on the forehead. Not once, but three times. And Jackson loved it! He giggled.

I'm sure glad they overcame the playing-hard-to-get game. Though, I am hoping that this is not a sign of what the next 18 years will be like!  Sure it's cute when he's 15 months, but not so much when girls will start kissing him for real! Poor kid. He's just too cute for his own good.

Jackson and Chacey playing this afternoon

A Thankful Heart

I love Thanksgiving for the positive aspect of the holiday. Everyone has lots to be thankful for, especially me and my family. I try to have a thankful heart all year round, though I am not always successful when I get caught up all in myself. Here are some of the things I am thankful for this year.

--Family--

I am thankful for my family. My immediate family- Derek and Jackson make me very happy, who love and support me. My Dad who has worked, worked, and worked on my house and who still answers the phone, even when it's the sixth time I've called on one day. My mom who also answers multiple phone calls daily and who also offers to watch Jackson just because. My in-laws who let us live with them and for the time when I was having a tough week, I came home from Minnesota to house that was all clean and ready to move in because they wanted to make it feel home-y. And for the fact that all of my family gets along so well with each other. We are SO blessed in that.

--Friends--

Our friends have been truly wonderful to us this year. Hundreds of hours of labor on our house for exchange for a meal here and there. Often times, I hardly had time to even ask for help because they had already offered and/or used the key to work when we weren't even here. We have the type of friends that when we ask for an inch, they give us a mile- every time. Not only with our house... but just in support, encouragement, and friendship have we been blessed.

--Church--
We love our church. Despite being a member for just about three years, I feel that I have been a part of this family for a lifetime. The foundation, the people, the encouragement. I have enjoyed the Tea for Three activities and getting to know more and more ladies in our church. Our Sunday School class is a blessing and I am so proud of them. Wednesday evenings are my favorite- I love the ladies ministry!

--Country--
With several friends and acquaintances deployed at this time, I cannot say enough how thankful that I am for our country. I am thankful for the Constitution that we fight to uphold. I am thankful for a President and for the democracy our county has that allows citizens to make a choice.

--School--
I am so thankful to be in school- for the opportunity and for the support from the people around me. I love studying psychology. I am thankful for the gifts of understanding people and am so eager to be a counselor. And this semester I am particularly thankful for that my professor agrees that I have a talent.

--Job--
I love my job. Nothing is greater than to be able to stay home with Jackson and I love having David around. Everything is happy in their world and it is such a blessing to be loved by children- with hugs, and smiles, and giggles. I enjoy watching Jackson grow and move on to bigger and better things each day- to actually get to read him books, while he squeals at the animals on the pages. It is so exciting to hear David count the Ten Friendly Frogs, even if it's the fifth time in one day and nothing is more entertaining than to hear him lecture the cat when she isn't nice ("Mia, it is not nice to hit. Do you understand me? Now you say, 'Yes, Ma'am'.").

Quickie News Bits

1. We are all moved at the in-laws. So far so good! Though I will be excited when we are in our place that has only 1 flight of stairs that is blocked by a door!
2. I've started watching a friend's little boy for the school year. He's 2 1/2 and pretty well behaved.
3. Jackson has two teeth.
4. He climbs stairs (see video).
   
5. He has also started to walk with his push toy in front of him.
6. We've gotten a lot of work done on the house: cleared out basement completely (all walls and ceiling), installed new water heater, painted Jackson's closet and closet doors, ordered kitchen cabinet doors (and hinges and pulls), tore down gutters and fascia, began some painting, and appliances have been delivered.
   
7. We went to see The Proposal last weekend with friends-- loved it!!!

Jackson fell asleep in the swing

Crawling through the coffee table

Hanging out with Daddy