Parenting Perspective

This was one of those days. Actually it's been one of those weeks. Let me just say, parenting is HARD!!! Over the past few days every. single. thing. is a battle. Last night, especially.  Tears, tears, and more tears (most of them aren't mine) all. day. long. Whew. You know it's a bad night when I was wishing I could be watching political commercials on repeat instead of this whole mothering business.

Naptime was golden today. It was much needed and mandatory. I didn't do one productive thing; I took some time to relax. I curled up on the couch and simply prayed to make it through the day. Belle woke up only after a very short time and I could tell by her demeanor that she really didn't get all the sleep she needed. I snuggled with her. Even though I wanted to be taking my own nap, I rocked her until she fell back asleep. And I enjoyed it because I can count on one hand the number of times that's ever happened in her life.

I did get a few more moments to myself and eventually Jackson came in to sit with me on the couch. We both resolved to start over "brand new" (as we say in this house) to move forward with the rest of the day. Jackson asked me what his shirt said, and when I told him he asked "so I should dance with flip flops."

Oh, the literal mind of a child. He made me smile. These are the moments I live for as a mommy and these are the things I love to blog about-- the things I want to remember.

The rest of the day went well. Fortunately today was a double dose of church (MOPS this morning and Bible Study tonight) because goodness knows I sure needed it-- both the Bible teaching AND the kid-free time. My kids weren't perfect and even though Jackson was thisclose to earning his sticker reward his decisions prevented that from happening. It was still disappointing and frustrating, but I realized that I was different. I was calm and collected, kind and gracious. That certainly wasn't happening earlier in the day/week.

I was reminded today that every bad decision our children make is a chance for me to offer grace and forgiveness, just as Christ does for us. What about the times I disobeyed God's commands? And how must God feel when we whine, complain, and battle every single plan he has in our lives? As God's children, He welcomes us with open arms despite our sin. And this is how we must parent our own children. This perspective changes the entire perspective of parenthood-- and that changes everything.

In good days and bad, I am so happy to be Jackson's and Belle's mommy. I'm thankful for God's grace on my life and I pray that I can extend the same to my children so that one day, they can experience God's goodness for themselves. And THAT is what parenting is about.

What’s that mean?

This is so my life.

I answer questions all.of.the.time. There are requests for snacks, candy, and tv continuously throughout the day. Most questions are asked at least 3 or 4 times each, even when an answer has been given.

Today we went to Target just to kill time before Derek got off work. I told him ahead of time that we were going to buy zero things {that’s a Jackson phrase} and yet he still asked throughout every single aisle, “Can I get this?”

The most common questions are, “What’s that mean?” and “Because why!?” Derek has been explaining lately that the phrases “copy/roger that” are the same as “yes/I understand” while I have spent most of yesterday and today explaining that “twice means two”. I have caught myself a time or two carefully planning my words in conversations with him and even just when he is in ear shot, just so I don’t slip one in that he’ll ask, “what’s that mean.” He needs to know what every single word means, even if I’m not talking to him and ESPECIALLY if Derek and I are talking in code.

And nothing is worse than the questions in which I don’t know the answer! Mostly they are about Autobots, Super villains, dinosaurs, and how things work.

I love Jackson’s inquisitive mind. He’s a sharp little boy. But whew… I really do feel like I’m playing 21 questions 5,424,349 times a day!

Last week, during VBS though, Jackson was asking great {albeit a lot!} questions about Jesus, the Bible, and Heaven. His wisdom of those topics at his young age nearly brought me to tears. Next time you see him, ask him about Heaven. He’ll get all excited and say, “Heaven is a place where Jesus lives! And when you love God, you get to go to Heaven when you die!” Oh, the faith of a child. I love it.

While I’m talking about VBS, this is Jackson’s recap of the story one day: “Daniel was with the lions. He had NO music, NO pillow, and no place to eat for THREE WEEKS(?)... but God and Jesus saved him. They were the superheroes.”

Lastly, I saw this today too and it too fit perfectly. Custom designed baby.

Mother’s Day

I had a wonderful time celebrating Mother’s Day yesterday. It was definitely my favorite Mother’s Day yet. Mostly because Jackson made me a necklace and kept telling me “Happy Mother’s Day” and “Happy Valentine’s Day” interchangeably.

Jackson was so happy to give me the necklace he made in Sunday School. He said, “I made it for you!” and when I said, “Oh, I LOVE it!” He replied, “I’m so glad you like it! I love you Mom!” Make my heart melt!

My kids were really well behaved practically all day, which was a wonderful treat! I told Derek it was so nice not to have to be a mean mom for an entire day! I could easily get used to that!!

I love my kiddos and I’m so glad to be their mom {or “naa-nee” as Belle calls me}.

I’m also super thankful for my Mom. Even though I can’t french braid or sew matching dresses for Belle and her baby dolls, I hope that I can still be a super awesome mom like her. I’m blessed with a great Mother-in-law as well! I’m a lucky gal!

Look-a-likes

The one thing I hear on an almost daily basis is how much Belle just really looks like me. My mom says so, friends at church, random people at the store! One gal who worked at Build-a-Bear told me we were practically twins {yeah, other than the fact that I supplied rather than shared the womb…}. Of course, Belle is the cutest thing ever, so I take it as a huge compliment. I guess I just I don’t really see it like others do. But based on the sheer number of comments we get, I’m bound to believe it anyway. I just give in to peer pressure like that.

I wanted to get a few pics together with her {as normally I’m behind the camera} so I could see for myself. I took a ton, but when you mix a busy one-year-old and my inability to take pictures of myself, we only ended up with a couple. I still can’t really see it, but at least I have a few to document the super fabulous time I had spending with my princess while big brother was away.

{I posted this one just because Belle is making a super cute face. I, too, am a nose-scruncher. Maybe that’s the resemblance!}

The past few days with Belle have been super fun. She has definitely soaked up the attention and I feel as if I’ve gotten to know her a little more intimately—Derek feels the same way! I was able to plan our days around her schedule alone. We had a Parents as Teachers meeting yesterday and I learned she can do a lot more skills than I ever expected! Like, she can follow simple instructions. Chores are right around the corner for this gal!

She has said Jackson’s name a few times {which, by the way, is super cute!} so I think she misses him. I know we do!! Here are a few picture texts I have received of him in St. Louis:

The train ride—looking pretty comfy!

          Jackson and cousin Gabe &
playing at the park {his knee seems back to perfect working order!}

   

Grandma Linda with her two grandsons {Baby Eli will make three this spring!}

Kinda makes you think that one of my siblings needs to start having babies so my children have more cousins to play with, right!? There are three of them—ages 30, 19, and 20… surely ONE of them could join me!

Pray and Play

The kids and I spent our time a friends house for part of this morning to be a part of the Pray and Play group. Our MOPS group started meeting again last month and I'm excited to be able to join in the pray and play time this year!

It is precisely what it sounds like. The kiddos play and the mommies pray. We pray over the prayer requests submitted at the MOPS meeting the week prior and for our kiddos and husbands.

This was by far the most chaotic praying experience ever. There was an abundance of banging going on in the basement, a loud fussy baby {mine} along with fairy princesses joining us! 

I have got to figure out the book the Katherine brought today-- it's about how and what to pray for our children. I always try to pray for them, but I don't always know what to pray for exactly. Anyway, this book was a prayer guide about characteristics backed by scripture to pray for your kids. I can just remember two off the top of my head-- kindness and obedience-- but there were many, many more.

One of the mentor moms also had such a great tip that I thought I'd pass along. Being always on the go {and the times when I do get the chance to sit and relax, I generally just fall asleep}, finding a big chunk of time to pray is tough. But Debbie mentioned that she would pray for her children as she was picking up the house. Like, if I'm putting away Belle's laundry, I'd take that time to pray for her and if I'm picking up Jackson's toys that would be the time to pray specifically for him. What a neat way to be diligent about praying for our children! {And as one mom pointed out, this would be a guaranteed way to pray without ceasing!}

I didn't want to keep this tip all to myself, so I just had to share! Do you have a special way or handy tip that you use to pray for your children? Your spouse?

Just a Mommy

I read a blog post a few weeks ago about never describing yourself as "just" anything. Like when people say, "I'm just a stay at home mom" as a way of admitting that it's a lazy job or something. But right now, I am totally embracing being "just a mommy".

This past year was just CRAZY! Foreign exchange student, attending grad school, "single" mom to a toddler, full time childcare provider-- all while being pregnant with an active duty husband. It totally didn't seem to crazy busy at the time. It was just life, but just thinking about it in hindsight wears me! I loved (still do) every aspect of that chaotic time and I wouldn't go back to change a single thing!! I love my grad school studies, Julie became a permanent part of our family, and can't imagine Belle becoming a part of our family at any other time.

Life right now is different. I am "just a mommy." And I love it that way. It's back-to-school time everywhere around me, but not for me. There are foreign exchange students who need homes. I've thought about finding a job to bring in extra money, but now just isn't the time. I will have the rest of my life to fill full with a jam-packed schedule, but this is the time for my family. This is the time for my kids.

I am enjoying days with my kids, evenings with my family. I am enjoying my efforts to become a better housewife. I have time in most of my days to just breathe. I have found a new hobby with crafty stuff and I am making all sorts of fun things for around the house! My kitchen is clean at the end of most night. Derek and I typically watch a show together and we have time to have conversations before bed. I have the time to become more involved in YoungLives and I am working hard on being intentional about finding opportunities to serve others. Instead of being strung out across so many different "hats" I am able to wear a select few a little more deeply.

And it feels good. 

It feels right. Just like last year felt right; I knew that is what God had in store for me during that season. But I am really enjoying this season too. I will eventually get around to finishing my grad school. I will eventually work outside the home. And I will eventually start saying "yes" to being involved in other activities and projects. But for now we're keeping our life simple, enjoying our little family for what it is right now. Life is good.

While my blog has been, and will continue to be predominantly my "scrapbook" for our family memories, I am eager to share new things in this space. I have DIY projects to share, recipes, and home organizing tips that have really helped me develop in my "just a mommy" stage of life!

Six Months!

I know I say this every month, but I really can't believe Belle is already 6 months old! She is seriously the happiest baby you've ever met (I've seen her smile while crying at times!). Also, the squirmiest. And definitely the cutest!

Dear Belle,

First off, I have to say that I love your name. I don't know exactly what it is, but I just love it. And people say such sweet things when I tell them your name! A guy at the store actually said, "how charming!" once... and it took all my restraint not to say, "I know, isn't it!?!?" Ha. Sometimes, okay often, you get called Bella-- which is NOT your name, but I try not to get all crazy about it. I should have seen it coming; Isabella was the number one name last year for little girls. Oh well! I still love your name!

I spent an entire week without you this month. It was miserable without you! I missed you and your happy smile so much. Grammy took good care of you.

Seriously, you are the happiest. baby. ever!!!! Look at this smile!

This month has been a big month for you. You started sleeping through the night 100% of the time. Yay!!! Also, you figured out baby food really wasn't that bad and actually started opening your mouth to eat! That has made meal times *so* much easier. You're starting to sit up for longer periods of time, but you haven't mastered it completely because you just WILL NOT hold still. And that leads us to your biggest milestone-- you started crawling! You are one ambitious little girl, I must say. (watch the video here)

You enjoy sitting in high chairs (and carts) when we go places! Look at you!!

You're going to sleep routine has become pretty easy over this past month. We can just put you down, unswaddled, and you will play until you sleep! Super easy. You love to cuddle with Pink Ruff-Ruff (a gift from a friend) and I have found you on more than on occasion with your head covered whether it be with Pink Ruff-Ruff, the bumper pad, your clothes... weird, but cute. You are very good at playing in your crib after you wake up and you are simply delightful when we come get you out. 

cuddling with and covered by pink ruff-ruff!

 Your schedule goes something like this: 

Awake: 8ish, 6 oz bottle
Nap: 9:30ish
Awake: 10:30-11ish, play/run errands
Lunch: another 6 oz bottle, baby food- yum!
Nap: 12:30-1:30ish
Awake: 3-4ish, another bottle, play!
Quick Nap: between 5-6ish, about 30 minutes
Awake: Playtime with daddy, bottle, baby food dinner!
Bedtime: between 8-9ish

Other tidbits: People tell me all of the time that you look just like me, even Daddy. You do have his chin, but I guess the rest is all me. You entertain yourself, and us, with your tongue (watch video here). It is just about as wiggly as your body. You jibber-jabber all of the time. (My parents would probably agree to saying that is just like me as well). And your happy sounds are very loud and high pitched. We love when you're happy, but we don't love the sounds. You really aren't much of a giggle-er. Sometimes you let out a little chuckle, but even as I continue to flail about in the same fashion that triggered the first laugh, you keep your amusement to yourself. But it does make the times you do let out some giggles that much more precious!

You chew on everything, but no teeth yet.

You have the ability, but outright refuse to hold your bottle.

And you love to swing! (outside anyway; not a fan of the baby swing)

You helped Aunt Laura move into her college dorm last week.

Belle, you are so much fun right now! Daddy loves coming home to play with you. You are super easy going and just so happy all of the time. I'm having so much fun watching you get bigger each and every day. We love you so much sweetie!

I'm spending the week at summer camp!

I am currently en route to summer camp! I kissed my family goodbye last night (which was hard when Jackson kept saying, "but i want mommy to stay home!") and I am headed to Lost Canyon camp close to Williams, Arizona for the week.

This isn't the typical teenage summer camp. Sure there are cabins, water slides, and the blob, but this camp is for teen moms and their babies. I will be providing childcare each day for the activities that the mommies do by themselves.

Over the past several months, I have been blessed to serve in a ministry called YoungLives, which is a part of the popular high school ministry organization, YoungLife. YoungLives is a much needed ministry for a very unique set of teenagers- teen moms! 

The Belton YoungLives chapter is the fist of its kind in the Kansas City area. Some come from 20 miles away just to be a part of the group. The girls meet once a month for a meal, activities, (both with and without kiddos) and a devotional time while other care for the babies.

I have been passionate about this ministry from the get go. I think it's derived from being in a similar stage of life- motherhood of young kids! I love being a mommy, but there are times when it is just downright hard and times when I just feel so overwhelmed! I cannot even imagine doing this motherhood thing as a teenager. I am so blessed to have an amazing support system and I just felt the Lord calling me to be a part of the support system for these girls.

So, while it was really hard to leave my own children last night, I just know that this is where I am supposed to be. In the busy lives these girls lead with schoolwork, jobs, relationships and babies, these girls deserve some fun. But its really more than just having fun. Camp is an opportunity for the moms and their babies to be surrounded by the love of Christ for an entire week. This could be one of the very first times for these teen moms to hear the gospel! And for a mom to decide to follow Christ will go on to impact the young child. How amazing would it be if all of these moms left camp feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and committed to raising their children in a Godly home?!

So I ask for your prayers this week for the moms, children, and volunteers. Pray that it would be a week of growth and enjoyment, and that the Lord will work in the all the lives of the people at camp!

Mother's Day & Baby Dedication

Yesterday was Mother's Day and also Belle's baby dedication! She did so good sitting in 'big church' (Jackson, too!) and she was, of course, the cutest little baby of them all!

Presenting Belle before the church

Kneeling as we prayed for guidance and strength to raise Belle in a loving, Christian home

 Look at this beauty! She's holding the gifts she received at the dedication: a flower and Bible

I wanted a cute picture of me with my kiddos. I'm not loving this pic, but it's the best I've got. Jackson sure is super handsome!

Jackson was giving me a kiss- how sweet! I just had to include it- look at Belle's headband. Ha. Poor thing. She didn't even say a word about it!

My day started yesterday with an "Iwuvyou" from Jackson, along with a card and DVD. He was so excited to tell me about how he drew in the card! Derek cleaned my car earlier this week as a Mother's Day gift and I was also treated to shopping time ALONE over the weekend! It was nice to have some me-time, but I couldn't wait to get back to the family. Belle even took part in the gift giving by going to bed without episodes of crying and sleeping all night in her basinette!

I just love, love, love being a Mommy. Even on the days when my favorite jeans get covered in poop and snot well before 10am (like last Tuesday) or when I'm just super tired from getting up a bajillion times for feedings, diaper changes, bad dreams- motherhood is so much more rewarding than I ever expected. I am having a blast taking Jackson to do fun things and watching him grow into such a smart little boy and I could soak up Belle's gummy grins just all day.

And of course, Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful mom and to my Mother-in-Law, too! Linda has treated me like a daughter since I first started dating her son- we like to shop, chat, and pedicures. I am so blessed to have such great women to be Grandma's to my children!!

The climb

In the summer of 2005 I climbed a mountain, not too far out of Colorado Springs. I will still acknowledge to this day that climbing to the top of the nearly 15,000 foot mountain top was by far one of the hardest physical things I have ever done in my life.

The rocky terrain made the footwork so complicated. The Rocky mountains aren't big boulders to climb around; they are more like little pebbles. With each step forward, I'd end up sliding back gaining only mere inches at times. The altitude was killing my lungs. I was winded and exhausted even though my body could keep going. It was so aggravating. But I made it.

This week marks the two month mark that Derek has been gone. Instead of being my hardest physical challenge like the mountain, it is by far the toughest mental and emotional battles I've endured. I am continually climbing and unfortunately, I haven't even made it past the tree line yet with six months still left to go.

The intention of this post is not induce pity or to complain, but simply just to describe the journey. To document for me what it was like in this moment.

I can say that in both situations, even though it was a tough challenge, it is far from the worst thing that has ever happened to me. While climbing the mountain in 2005, I was able to enjoy the company of new friends. I hadn't had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with this group of people that summer, so it was very fun to have this experience in particular to share with them. Similarly, I have had unique opportunities present themselves in this time in which I have been able to have lots of fun and even meet new people.

Unlike the when I climbed the mountain, I have an entire community of people who are carrying me along this time around. I have people I can call in a pinch. I have people that continually offer support. I have people literally calling me with offers to come help.

I am so deeply blessed. But these blessings lead to one of the biggest internal struggles I face-- the constant need of needing help. I have always prided myself on being a strong, independent, capable woman and though I never thought I could do this on my own, I never thought I'd need so much help. It is humbling, it is frustrating. The shower breaks. Something in the basement is leaking. I need chemicals spread on my lawn but can't do it because I'm pregnant. Mold. The garbage disposal again. At times, I feel lazy and spoiled, yet others I feel utterly helpless. It really is a mental obstacle that I have to chose to overcome and to simply get over it.

Not surprisingly, the hardest part really is living my life without Derek. I can honestly say that I never realized how much I truly need him each and every day. But really, I just miss him. I hate being the only one to watch Jackson grow up and pick a favorite color only to turn around to try to relay the experience with a pen and paper so Derek can read about it in five days. The 15 minute weekly phone calls are a privilege, I know that. But after the "do you need stamps?" and "have you checked the bills" conversations, there isn't a lot of time to just talk with my husband. I can't just call him up during the day to ask a quick question, I can't decompress from a stressful day to have him tell me to just let it go, and I don't get to share my many opinions about what's happening in the world. I miss my best friend.

I feel that I am constantly tired. Not even in a sense that I didn't get enough sleep. But in a way that I am always "on."

Monday night the trash goes out. Tuesday, bring the trash container back to the house. The electric bill comes out of the account on the 5th, student loans on the 13th. Why won't the garage door stay down? I have a doctors appointment, have I lined up someone to watch Jackson? Wait, it's quiet... where is Jackson? 

When I take anywhere (even at home, but that's easier) I am the one who is responsible for him at any given moment. Jackson is a very, very busy little guy and even to keep mental track of what he is up to is exhausting. There's no tag-teaming at entertaining the kid or taking turns acting as the human jungle gym. When Jackson wakes up in the middle of the night (which is A LOT) I am the one who needs to be there for him. Even the little decisions about keeping him fed, jacket or no jacket, or planning the days events... they jus add up. Sometimes, I just long for a day of not having to decide anything at all! A day without scheduling "the next step" or "the next seven steps" is probably more like it, because with every minor adjustment to the schedule results in changes for the rest of the day.

It's not like I don't have help. Far from it. Last week, Jackson spent the night a total of four nights at my mom's house. Aside from the feeling that I am too lazy or incapable of taking care of my son, it was nice to sleep through the night and it was a needed break. But truth be told, I needed that time. I had grad school work to catch up on, teenage birthday parties to host, and a myriad of unexpected events to sort through. As much as I would have enjoyed lounging around catching up on season one of Glee so I could watch the season premier tonight, that just didn't happen.

So, it's not that I haven't don't have the help that I need with Jackson. I just want my parter back so we can do it together. I don't like that my "breaks" require Jackson to be gone. I want to be able to "turn off" for a few moments here and there, but still have my favorite little guy still here. The chance to play with and enjoy Jackson while someone else can attend to his needs or the discipline. But that's just a part of single parenthood. But unlike single parenthood, I can anticipate a day when Derek will return.

My life is absolutely wonderful. I love being a Mommy and I am having a blast with Julie. It's possible that I just have too many things going on, but I can't have it any other way. If I wasn't occupied at nearly every moment of the day, I think I'd just have more time to dwell in self-pity and I refuse. I consider myself lucky that this is truly my hardest obstacle and unlike so many with husbands on active duty, mine is still stateside, which offers a peace knowing he's not off at war.

Time has gone by so fast that I can't believe that I get to see Derek in two weeks!! I am beyond giddy. Just thinking about the visit is enough to lift my spirits and knowing that after his graduation from basic training, he will quickly earn phone privileges every day and eventually a computer.

Upon completing the climb up and back down again of the mountain in 2005 I vowed never to do it again. I accomplished it once and that was good. After Derek gets home, I have my hopes that I never have to climb this mountain again, but this time it's not up to me. I realize that luxury isn't likely, but that is another issue for another day.

Thank you to everyone who has helped out-- you know who you are. I could never tackle this mountain alone. You've made this journey fun and entertaining.Your support, encouragement, and helping hands are what keeps me going.

The wonderful mother strikes again.

I know I've already told you how my mom is pretty awesome, but today she was super awesome. I invited her down to help get some stuff done around the house that I just needed a little motivation and help to get done.

First, she comes over with a fully prepared dish of lasagna for Derek and I to have for dinner. We have friends coming over tonight so we needed a bigger main dish (so she even helped me with that!), but tomorrow I will be eating that lasagna.

But then, she gets all gung-ho about the laundry too and we fold it and I put a lot of it away. She switches loads and folds more. And then because our dryer is suuuuper slow, my mother-in-law (who stopped by) ended up taking a couple loads to her house to wash and dry so we can get all caught up. We hate laundry in this house and with a dryer that takes 2-3 cycles to dry. Needless to say, it gets backed up a lot.

And then we start to tackle the real reason she came down: Jackson's room. I really wish I would have taken a before picture. It was awful. To walk across the room, a zig-zag line was in order to avoid stepping on all sorts of toys. Jackson enjoys emptying out his drawers so clothes are everywhere and the closet was just a bunch of stuff that I haven't gone through and it was all shoved behind the doors so no one could see it. Ugh.... the whole room was just a disaster.

So this is what we got done:

The greatest thing of all that his room is organized, for the very first time. Several of his toys are actually put up so that we can rotate them and they aren't everywhere all of the time. Plus, most of the toys from the family room are now in his room so it doesn't look like a Toys-R-Us when people come over for dinner (my sisters complain about this). The rug is new and it actually looks like a finished room. I do have curtains and they will be up soon.

The closet... is organized. Can you believe it? I had to take a picture because I'm not all to confident that this will continue to be so organized. I put things like his puzzles and non-board books in here, so that I will have to get them out in order for him to play with them to avoid missing pieces and ripped pages. And in case I need a reminder of all of the diapers we buy, I have reused the boxes to store clothes he's outgrown or will be wearing soon. They are the perfect size for the shelf in the closet and are more cost-effective than buying tubs.

And of course, Mom got to spend some quality time with Jackson. He helped her throw laundry down the stairs fold laundry and emptied the kitchen drawers helped put utensils away. He is such a big helper!

So, the mother-in-law is on her way with the laundry (don't be jealous) so I gotta go!

A girl can dream

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

My first was Aladdin. He was just so cute and he tried to so hard to impress the girl he liked. And he could sing. There have been a few others including, but not limited to Uncle Jessie, Zach Morris, Batman, Will Turner... and now, it's Iron Man.

First I thought it was a Robert Downey Jr. thing, but it's really not. It's definitely Tony Stark. He's kind of like Batman-- a super hero without actually being "super" (aside from super good looking). No spider bite, no alien species, no vat of toxic waste-- he's just incredibly smart. And rich. So it means that he could actually exist... right??

I actually went on a date with Iron Man last night. Besides Mickey Rouke (creeptastic!) and Scarlett Johnason (overated!) it was a good movie. But, I've decided that someone that intelligent could never be so good looking. And probably not that socially normal either (surely you've met those super-smart types and sometimes they are just weird). And big biceps, probably not. But hey, that's why it's fiction! And a girl can dream.

And while I'm dreaming, I'll pretend that Jackson's name is spelled right on his clay handprint he made at Sunday School. Haha. To be honest, I didn't even notice it. I was carrying it around, showing it off, oohhing and ahhing over his first of many Mother's Day gifts. Derek didn't notice either and was in denial about it until he saw it himself. It was my sister, yesterday afternoon, that said, "Uhm... this isn't right." What kind of Mom does that make me-- that I didn't even notice?!?!!

Whether it's JACKON or JACKSON, I don't care. I still love it. :)

Flu Blessings

It started with little man Creason and now it has progressed to the big man Creason- the flu. This week has been a crummy one. At the same time I have never loved more being a mom and wife and taking care of my boys.

I don't do vomit. I really don't. Blood grosses me out, but I can deal with it. Poop doesn't really bother me and I've got the other bodily functions pretty well covered. But vomit, I just can't handle it! Now, I realize this is a major flaw as vomit is definitely in the job description of motherhood. But until now, I had yet to come face to face it.

I had just told Derek that he might as well go to church since I was just going to put Jackson to bed on Wednesday night. He left and I was rocking Jackson while he finished his last of his milk. Then it came-- all over me. Smelt disgusting. Soaked through. And it was the first of 4 times it happened in the next 2 days.

I surprised myself. A truly fantastic part of motherhood- the part that it doesn't matter what I'm doing, how I feel because what really matters is that my baby is crying, he doesn't feel good and the overwhelming desire to take care of him and to make it all better. I quickly attend to getting him clean PJs and run to find a clean blanket to help him calm down. I did change before rocking him to sleep. And when he woke up sick later on that night, I was more than happy to cuddle and hold him (although not in my new bed!) despite knowing what would eventually happen again and again.

The littlest things have made Jackson so upset this week. It started when I moved his blanket away from his high chair at breakfast on Wednesday, then it was when the doctor put the stethoscope on his stomach, and sometimes it's nothing at all that sends him running to me, tears running down his face. I willing hold him on my lap and give him some lovin' until he is ready to face the cruel living room on his own again. I have gotten so many Jackson hugs and cuddles this week that I almost wish he was sick more often. Yesterday morning, he climbed on me and was wiggling around so much. It took me a minute to realize that he was trying to get into his 'rock him to sleep' position. He feel asleep immediately.

Derek came home from work before lunch today and spent most of the remaining hours of the day in bed. I have fortunately dodged this stomach bug thus far, but I have hated to see my favorite boys to be in such misery. One thing is for sure, a blessing in disguise- the real joy of motherhood and being a wife is loving them so much that it's a blessing to take care of them.

Time of my Life

I thought I'd give a little tribute to the hometown hero, David Cook, and his first single. This past year really has been the time of my life- surpassing anything I could have ever thought possible. Without a shadow of a doubt, this is by far the best year that I have ever had. Jackson is really the best thing that has ever happened to me. Despite the delivery being on my list of the worst things, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I love my family so very much and I am truly so blessed with a great husband and the sweetest little boy.

Our family- 1 day old

I knew from the time that I was a little girl playing with my cabbage patch dolls that I wanted to be a mommy and waiting until I "established a career" or "spending my 20s learning about myself" never appealed to me. Sure, someday after I finally finish my Master's I cannot wait to establish a professional career, but having a family is and will always be my main priority despite the busy lives we lead. My first year as a mommy has seemed to have flown by in a bit of a blur. Jackson was (is) continually changing and a lot of the time was spent adapting to that change and enjoying Jackson during each stage and all of the "firsts" that come with the first year.

Christmas 2008
2 months

The first few months were definitely challenging with the crazy sleep schedule and entering in to the life unknown, but we managed- with much help and support from our friends and family!!! My mom would come stay with us about once a week and that was such a nice boost of energy to get a full nights sleep! Linda came over once to just hold Jackson because wanted to be held, but I desperately needed to get some stuff done around the house. And the ladies down in the nursery at church got an earful of questions about sleep habits, doctor visits, temperatures and anything else you can imagine!!!

Jackson and Daddy- 12 days old
First Sunday morning at church

Along with knowing that I wanted to be a mommy since being a little girl, I always had to desire to be a stay-at-home mom, so the decision to stay home was not a hard decision. My mom had the opportunity to stay home with us and I joke about the first time I ever remember getting a key to our house- I was a senior in high school because whenever I came home from school or anything, mom was always there. After a year of staying at home, I absolutely love it and wouldn't want to have to go back to work like so many others do. I really enjoy spending my day with Jackson. Sometimes it's hard because I am envious of what others have, like cable tv or an iphone, but I know that those things would never bring me the joy that Jackson brings to each day- the smiles, the laughs, and just being with him.

Mommy and Jackson- 4 months
California Vacation

Born with the ability to be a people pleaser, fueled by the fact that he is spoiled to death with attention, it is no surprise that Jackson saved some of his "firsts" for when we had the camera out. Okay, so it is probably just because we always have the camera near by and in short distance so we are able to catch the newest trick or super cute moment. We got his first time rolling over on video and he decided to stand up by himself for the first time during his 10 month picture. I remember the Sunday afternoon when Jackson shared his first smile for Daddy- it was such a neat thing! We sat on the couch for 30 minutes at least, making silly faces and sounds just for a tiny little smile. Derek and I were so excited.

One of Jackson's
First Smiles

This year was full of calls to Derek during the work day, "Jackson just giggled!", "You are SO changing the next diaper!", and "Should I call the doctor?". We have had really enjoyed our time as a family-- going to DeAnna Rose, visiting California, trips the park, and even just going to the store. We have totally had our share of "No, it's YOUR turn to get up!" and "I changed the last zillion diapers!" but I have to say that Derek and I are closer now because of Jackson despite the late night one-liners. Derek has been there for me when I cried because Jackson had allergies and the times when I am all but throwing Jackson at him when he walks in the door after a long day at work. I'd like to think we make a great team, each bringing our own strengths to the table, doing our best to raise Jackson in a healthy manor.

Jackson's first boat ride
Sacramento, CA- 4 months

I am going to end this post (I know it's long) with some moments from this past year that haven't been "blog-worthy" in themselves, but I don't ever want to forget:

• As soon as we got home from the hospital, I heard Derek yelling in the bedroom. It was Derek's first time changing a diaper ever and Jackson peeped all over him!
• Emotionally, I was a mess when we first brought Jackson home from the hospital. The next day, I was looking through the zillion pictures we had and cried because I thought it was going by too quickly. Seriously.
  
• I took Jackson to the library when he was only a few weeks old and while we look at some books (in complete silence), Jackson tooted SO loudly that most of the people in the library could probably hear. I was so embarrassed.
• When Jackson took a bath in his baby tub, he soaked the entire bathroom from splashing.
  
• Jackson has always found jumping funny- an early trick to get those baby smiles and giggles!
• You DO NOT eat in front of Jackson EVER! Even since he was a little guy, he did not like anyone eating anything in front of him without sharing whether it be a snack or a meal, or a little friend having a bottle.
• When Jackson choked on a cracker at Wendy's, I went home and cried. I was so scared.
  
• The time that Derek and I took Jackson to Jose Peppers for dinner and Jackson all but claimed the attention of our entire half of the restaurant!
• Jackson became so attached to his blanket(s) just overnight at around 10 months. We don't leave the house without one.
  
• When he bit my toe- after he actually had teeth. OUCH!
  
• I was SO stressed out when Jackson fell and knocked his head on a sharp corner of the bookshelf. He had a goose-egg the size of a golf ball in just seconds. I think I needed to hold him more than he needed me to hold him!
• When Derek played was playing darts in his parents basement, Jackson thought it was SO funny when he pulled the arrows out of the dart board. Not when he threw them, only when he took them out. He was cracking up in tears.
  
• The lemon at Chipotle.
• Jackson tries to escape to outside every single day, multiple times. And when he would get outside in shorts and realized that it hurts his knees when he crawled, he stuck his tush up in the air and crawled using his feet instead!
• Jackson can pick up anything and pretend it's a telephone. He'll hold it up to his ear when you say, "Hello!" Maybe this is a sign he sees me on mine a little much! :)

Mommy and Jackson
Pumpkin Patch-- 11 months

I will never forget the feeling when he first reached for me or how he smiles at me when he first wakes up. Or how we wait by the window for daddy to come home and how I am nearly beaten to death because he flails his arms in excitement when he sees Derek. I cherish the moments he looks at me to make sure I am still watching as if to seek my approval and when he is playing and rushes over to me to give me some lovin' and heads back to play. Nothing could have prepared me for the hard work that it has been being a mommy this year, but I could never have comprehended the love I have for my baby. Nothing in this world compares to the joy I receive every single day from being his mommy.

My Valentine

I have a new Valentine this year. He has taught me more about love than I could ever have imagined. He melts my heart each time he smiles at me. I love learning about him every day (like how he hates when things cover his eyes-- like when a shirt goes over his head) and watching him grow. He is becoming "chatterbox" these days and he has is beginning to use his hands and play with toys. I love the way he looks at me and how he calms down when I sing him a song. God has blessed us so much by giving us Jackson-- I just love him so much! :)

So this is the story of my lack of blog posts. I would think, "Hey, I should post an update," but then as time kept passing I kept promising myself that I would wait until I could do a complete update and include all sorts of info about what had been going on. I even started a rough draft or two. But then so much time had past that I had way too much to write about and I never got around to it! So, now it's almost December and with Jackson here now, I definitely don't have time to go back and update for the past 5 months, but I will do better at keeping up with it.

You can read about Jackson's arrival and see tons of pictures at Derek's blog-- www.derekcreason.com.

Being a mom really is exciting despite being spit up on, peed on, woken up in the wee hours of the morning and the never ending laundry he creates, etc... I love just holding him and watching him make the cutest of faces! He's just so darn cute and we love him so much! :)